Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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