glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
