All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
