she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
