i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had to cum in my sink.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
