You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
