I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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