The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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