As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
