Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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