I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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