How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
