I hope mine doesn't look like that
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
