You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
