I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
