a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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