The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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