I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
