If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
so much tequila, so little girl.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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