Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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