if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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