Ambien. No doubt about it.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize