she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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