He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
