I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
