can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
