you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
