I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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