After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
