I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
