I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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