so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
