you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize