so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
