ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It was like getting head from an anaconda
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
