I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
