One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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