There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
