he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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