did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize