the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
