we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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