I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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