Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
