What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
