Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
