only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
