The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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