You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
