can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
