i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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