Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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