areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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