so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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