so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
