Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
