I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize