Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
