After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize