i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
