Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize