I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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