I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
