dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
