You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
