she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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