I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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