you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
