why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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