just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
