Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
