I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
