I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
