You work out of a Hotel?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
