She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize