I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
