I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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