How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
